called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
