oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
