We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
