When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
