when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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