i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
