im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
