I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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