As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my liver is dry heaving
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
