Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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