You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
