you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
