I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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