well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
