Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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