don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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