ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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