weddingsv make me drug and hornr
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
