Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
