You're earring is so big in my mouth
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
