Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
