Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
not ubering you a puppy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
