So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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