It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
