I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
third nipple confirmed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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