Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
