Im at strip club and am horny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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