Your face is a jimmy john
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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