I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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