ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
