I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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