bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
