Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
