two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
