Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
