We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
