New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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