I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
