It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
