well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
