Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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