I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He shit in the fireplace
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
