The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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