yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
