I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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