Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
