just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
