my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
