Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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