Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
